A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
