Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
