I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
