i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
