I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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