i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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