We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
