I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
