a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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