The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize