hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
