Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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