You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize