He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize