One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
