A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
