My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
