So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
