You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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