I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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