Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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