Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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