I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
