so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
