there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
What drink are we having for lunch?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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