so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
