i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
