Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
