So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
