Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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