now i know why i became what i already was.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
