And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize