Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I would fuck him just for his dog
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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