You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
