Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
