Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
