Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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