she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
