i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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