I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
