please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
