So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
