so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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