i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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