hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
