Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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