she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
