My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
