Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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