Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize