dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
