I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
