I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
COCAINE IS GR8
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
And then he peed in my hair
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