Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
