Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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