I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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