Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
