But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Farmville is her only friend.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
