you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
