im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
