You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
