he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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