and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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