I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
