i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I think my moral compass just broke
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
