just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
