My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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