Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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