the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i dont even know how to be here
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
